One day, for the pure benefit of my children, I am going to record my voice and put certain phrases on continuous loop. The first will be “PUT your slippers ON!”
Why you ask, would I be so desperate to record a request demanding the immediate donning of indoor footwear associated with cold winter nights and Christmas 24/7/365? The answer is quite simple, I live in an open plan house with tiled and wooden floors which are skid-tastic! They are as tempting as the four flights of broad sweeping stair banister you just have to hop on and slid down regardless of age. My high gloss, uber waxed floors are pure skid heaven. So why the control freaking mother 100% ban on fun? Dentist visits I tell you. No my floors are not some high tech futuristic candy creation, they are regular natural stone and proper, real tree floors, but they are HARD, VERY HARD, on teeth. Still none the wiser? Picture Tom chasing Jerry around a dining table, replace image with two small children under 7 and visualise the horizontal leg spinning mid air before the delayed, full bodied, SPAT! There I tell you, lies the answer. Young bones survive, NHS prescription glasses for children bear up well to the impact, but jaws full of teeth shatter and enamel covered fragments are swiftly spluttered out, as all the years of 2 minutes morning and night brushing, annual dental visits, sugar and sweet rations, are condemned to the trash of failed mothering skills and now the cycle of almost weekly, futile, please repair my teeth again, visits to the dentist is commenced.
So I say mothers with shiny hard floors, Unite! Either get over the housework shiny floor O.C.D. or, buy a stash of slippers with non slip soles for your children. Don’t’ risk the distant call of the dentist’s chair, well, if you can hear it above the wails and sobs of a child with broken teeth that is. I speak from experience, one you could really do without!